Updated: Mar 23, 2022
I once knew a person who not only rejected all offers of assistance but seemed to do everything they could to prevent themselves from achieving any kind of success in life. This is upsetting to those who see potential and cannot motivate them.
The motivator person approaches the situation like pushing a boulder up a hill. When they tire, the boulder rolls back down. Eventually, they conclude the person cannot be helped and walk away. This happens with all ages in all environments, e.g., work, school, sports, health, fitness, weight loss. I even knew someone who refused to learn how to drive, making them totally dependent on others. Why would anyone want that?
Ah, well, there is the key. It's not about us and our rational minds. It's about them. Maybe the person who won't learn to drive wants others to show they care by driving them around. Perhaps the young person who won't go to school or get a job is trying to "show" an abusive parent how much they hurt them by being a total failure in life.
We don't know until we offer a calm, nonjudgmental space for self-reflection and ask genuinely curious questions that may help them understand themselves better. Once a person becomes aware of their own truth, they may be open to finding better ways to meet their needs.
We can only do that when we set aside our need for success in "winning" the motivator game and help people understand their own motivations.
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